Want to know how to read more in 2021? Interesting. Did you know we’ve been in a global pandemic for almost a year? Did you notice that a coup is taking place? Perhaps you have heard of the many ways white supremacy is destroying us?

Maybe you should take a little break. Cut yourself a little loose. Read when you feel like it and don’t feel bad if you can’t read. The world is on fire and you don’t have to strain to do more.

If you insist on continuing down this path be forewarned: these are absurdities invented by a cheerfully nihilistic nerd with a dark sense of humor. The following ironic suggestions started in the brain of rioter Jamie Canavés and were then developed by several other hilarious characters. (All suggestions without attribution are mine. See warning.)

If you don’t care what you read, Read More

  1. Accidentally choose 6-day checkout instead of 21-day checkout at the library. ~ Jamie Canavés
  2. Let your cat run over your device and speed up the narration in your audiobook. ~ Jamie Canavés
  3. Get super invested in reading baby board books for yourself. ~ Jamie Canavés
  4. Listen to multiple audiobooks at the same time – literally play them at the same time. ~ Danika Ellis
  5. Set these audiobooks to double the speed. ~ Danika Ellis
  6. Why stop at Double? Try 4x speed. ~ CJ Connor
  7. Read a printout or an e-book while listening to these audiobooks. ~ Danika Ellis
  8. Follow a bunch of Twitter accounts tweeting books line by line so that every time you go on Twitter you accidentally read a chapter. ~ Danika Ellis
  9. Tape book pages around your house, especially the fridge door. ~ Danika Ellis
  10. Pay someone in your house who beats you if you don’t read every day, à la Nick Miller at New Girl. ~ Julia Rittenberg
  11. Keep a book in the bathroom at work to read while you cry on your breaks.
  12. Listen to audiobooks while you sit in the shower and cry.
  13. Listen to children’s picture books audiobooks at double the speed.
  14. Read only the first and last pages of each book.
  15. Listen to audiobooks as you drive aimlessly to get out of the house.
  16. Hide a book in your lap during your endless series of Zoom meetings.
  17. Plaster your ceiling with book pages so you can lie awake at night and think about your existential fear.
  18. Cover your mirrors with book pages so you don’t have to look at the quarantine zombie version of yourself.
  19. Lack of toilet paper? Use book pages and then read them. Or … reverse that.
  20. Replace all of your TVs with readers.

Posts to check out if you * really * want to read more

I don’t think it is a bad idea to read any more. I just want to remind everyone to give us (and others) additional grace now. If you’re looking for real suggestions on how to read more, check out these posts from my fellow campaigners.

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